In January of 2020 we heard about a deadly disease taking over China. “So sad,” we said, clicked our tongues and moved on. Little did we know that the horrors we heard about and saw on television would soon become a reality in our lives as well. Soon after that, towards the end of March, India went into nationwide lockdown. Honestly, I did not know what to expect. “This may actually be for the best,” I told myself, “A few weeks of being at home might be just what we need.” Little did I know, almost a year and a half later we would still be here, under partial lockdown.
For many people, life came to a halt when the lockdown shut down any semblance of normalcy. For me, like many other parents, life had to move on. I suddenly found myself at home with my two girls, aged 2 and 5, all day, every day for months. Initially the lockdown had a sense of novelty to it. We’d never been home like this. We always had places to go, family and friends to meet, shopping to do, park visits for the girls. I was secretly happy I wouldn’t have all these obligations to fulfill and checkboxes to tick. We jumped straight into arts and crafts and activities. And it was all fun, for a while at least. Things started getting tricky when I ran out of ideas and the kids got bored with just having mum to look at all day long. We live in an apartment with no outside space and so the closest we came to the “outside world” was standing at the window trying hard to look for any sign of life on the deserted road outside. To say the least, it was a challenging time. But as I look back today it was also a time of great learning and growing for me as a mother. And although I would never ask for COVID or the lockdown, those days gave me a new perspective on life that I will forever be grateful for.
Lockdown taught me to appreciate the little things. Perhaps this is the biggest lesson I’ve learnt- to not take the little things for granted. Simple sit-down dinners with the family, reading to my girls, video calls with family, a special home-cooked meal, the sound of sweet giggles, and morning cuddles in bed became my greatest source of joy. I never thought a simple phone call with a friend would make me so happy! I think my five-year-old summed up my feelings when she came up to me one morning and said, “I don’t like not being able to go outside, but I’m glad we’re here together.”
Lockdown gave me the opportunity for reflection. I suddenly felt like I had more time on my hands. There was nowhere to go and no commitments to keep. I was happy for the opportunity for reflection and learning. Although I am not a morning person, I decided to wake up before the kids just to be able to spend a little time alone, reading, praying and planning. Pre-lockdown chaos-filled mornings involved me getting my daughter up (which was no easy feat) and dressed for school, packing lunches, and getting out the door in time, all with a toddler in tow. I took advantage of this peaceful time to self-reflect in the hopes of coming up with a clearer picture of my purpose and what I wished to accomplish in my life. This time alone was also necessary for my own sanity and for my family’s, because as they say, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
The lockdown enabled me to rekindle some long-forgotten hobbies. I’m always up for some me-time but since I couldn’t escape to a coffee shop or hang out with a friend, I had to find things to do indoors. Experimenting with baking and cooking became quite pleasurable. Reading and writing was something I always enjoyed. After having kids, I did manage to read at times but writing had been thoroughly ignored. In the last year I decided to try and put my thoughts down on paper and although a bit rusty, I found I still enjoyed it. So, I carved out a space for myself in a little corner of the internet and started a blog.
The lockdown also helped me realize that I was not responsible for my children’s entertainment. It’s absolutely exhausting to try and entertain them every minute of the day. At some point every parent will have to deal with a bored kid, and during our stay-home order, we had many such moments. Somehow, it is always assumed that boredom occurs due to a failure on our part to entertain our kids, and consequently we feel obliged to respond solicitously to all the “I’m bored!” grumblings! More than entertaining I realized I need to offer enrichment into their lives. And I could do that by providing them the right environment where they could engage in unstructured and independent play. So, we began pre-planning activities for certain days. I fixed times for when I would get down on the floor to play with them, but mostly they played a lot by themselves and enjoyed it. I also concluded that more toys can actually hinder the child’s own imagination and creativity. So of course, we went on a decluttering spree and it actually helped! Now, they can entertain themselves for longer periods of time and most times when they’re bored, they end up creating a lego masterpiece. If you allow your kids to be bored at times, you will be surprised at what they can come up with!
I’m also learning to cut my kids some slack as things slowly get back to normal. In India, in some ways we’re getting back to normal and in others we’re still stuck in a partial lockdown. We’re able to meet up with people but schools are still online. I remember when we first started going out after four months of being at home, my two-year-old would cry when another person entered the elevator. If we had a friend over who she hadn’t seen in all that time, she would get very upset. And that was fine. We had to understand and not push her to engage if she didn’t want to. Now after a few months of meeting people on and off, she is back to her friendly self. Children, especially, are still learning to navigate through the “new normal” and it is our job to give them and ourselves some grace through this process.
Finally, I have been learning to take on life with an attitude of gratitude. To tell you the truth, I don’t like my plans spoiled. I like to know of any change beforehand so I can mentally prepare myself for it. As you know, with the lockdown all our well-laid plans for 2020 went down the drain. And there was nothing anyone could do about it. So, I learned to embrace the change, to adapt, and to appreciate the process. It is completely understandable for our kids to be upset when they aren’t able to go to the park or ride their bikes or get out of the house for months at a stretch. I realized if I expected them to understand the situation, I had to do the same. I couldn’t be fighting and resisting change yet expect them to happily comply. Despite the challenges, there was so much we could be grateful for- a home, a steady income, food, toys, technology, family- the list can go on and on. There are so many who could not say the same. With people we knew falling sick and losing loved ones, I was also able to converse with my girls about the value of life and the concept of death. In all our discussions we were able to talk about all the things in our lives, big and small, that we can appreciate. Being alive is a gift. Every day is a gift that we will never again take for granted. And as a family, we are learning to develop an attitude of gratitude.
2020 may forever be called “The Year of the Lockdown” but it has taught me that I can take every challenge as an opportunity to learn, to persevere and grow into a more grateful and compassionate human being. As a mother, I feel I’ve “grown up” in some ways. For better or for worse, the lockdown has changed me. And in my most frustrating moments when there seems to be no hope in sight for things to ever go back to completely normal, all I can do is take a deep breath, load up on patience, and enjoy this gift of uninterrupted time with my children. Years from now, when they’re grown up and off on their own journeys I will look back at this time with much fondness and love. And I will always remember and be grateful for the joyful chaos of life during the lockdown.
